


Lovin' is Bible

by holdonhoney



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: A little bit of angst, F/F, everything can be found in the notes!!, it is sad but then gets happy, kinda depressing in the beginning, there is a character death but not a major character, trigger warnings for most chapters in the beginning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:42:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29029626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdonhoney/pseuds/holdonhoney
Summary: Toni Shalifoe was twelve years old when she had to make the move to a small rural town in Texas. Leaving her life in Minnesota behind, will her new religious adoptive family be the answer she was looking for? Through every hardship that Toni is forced to face, she always comes back stronger than ever. Especially with the help of her best friends and especially with the help of Shelby Goodkind.OrToni goes through the ups and downs of coming out to her religious family and Shelby takes inspiration from that.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 3
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> so i am not really one who writes long drawn out pieces of writing so this is something really new to me. this first chapter is literally JUST introduction and i do have an almost fully fleshed out idea that has been rattling around my brain for quite a whilte but i didnt want to sit down and really deep dive into it without seeing if people liked it. i am not the best writer but i hope that what i'm trying to write is pretty clear. i have it at around 12/13 chapters for right not i think. one of them is just a very fluffy filler chapter so idk but anyways. there are also some minor original characters that are essential to the plot as well as some leatin sprinkled in there. 
> 
> this story is kinda sad in the beginning and i changed a lot of toni's background to fit the narrative of the story. also, this is a shoni story dont worry but it's very toni centric in the beginning until we actually go into the world of shelby goodkind. toni isn't out to anyone yet, so that's a pretty big difference from the canon story of toni shalifoe. 
> 
> i've written the second chapter and have the third also somewhat written, which i think are arguably more entertaining than this one but i needed to setup some things for the future. 
> 
> also just a heads up i did infact write this chapter at 3am during a bad adhd episode so.. LMAO 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!!
> 
> this is really important bc some of the first chapters will have some heavy shit in it. especially things revolving addiction, abuse, and death.

Part I. 

Toni Shalifoe was twelve when her favorite social worker sat her down in a squeaky office chair, a chair that Toni was sitting in often as she was thrown from home to home. This time it felt different though, there was a tension in the air that Toni had picked up on when she was ushered into the cramped office space that she considered her second home. 

Her favorite social worker, a woman with deep blue eyes that Toni often found comfort in, was standing in front of her, a slight awkwardness to her pose. Toni watched as the social worker, named Heather Manifold, sat down with a slight huff. 

“So, Toni. I have some news about a new placement.” There was a slight annoyance in Heather’s voice, a tone that Toni picked up on immediately. While Toni was still pretty young, she was incredibly talented when it came to reading people’s emotions and facial expressions. It was something she had to learn after years of uncertainty in her home life.

“A new placement? I just moved in with a new family.” Toni’s voice dripped with frustration, this time she really didn’t do anything. It wasn’t like some of her families before where she got into fights at school, or even sometimes with her other foster siblings. 

“Well, um, this time it’s different. It’s not in Minnesota and I know-” Toni cut off Heather’s sentence with a quick push of her chair. She was suddenly standing, her hands balled up into fists as she started to pace around the small room. The air in the room was already hot and it started to feel like it was suffocating the small girl. 

“Toni.” Heather’s voice was stern, it was a voice only reserved for when Toni was being difficult. Which was more often than not. Heather scanned Toni’s face to figure out what Toni was feeling, she knew this was going to be hard. 

“I can’t leave Minnesota! My mom is here and like, what if she want’s me back?” Toni knew deep down that this was never going to happen. After various stints in rehab, a couple of overdoses, and the strong desire to date abusive me, Toni’s mom was never coming back and she knew that. Deep down, Toni was more hopeful than people would ever realize.

“Toni, I know Minnesota is your home but this placement might be permanent. This is the first time we’ve had a family interested in fully adopting you.” Heather’s voice wavered as she looked at the girl in front of her. Heather knew that social work was hard, it was a job that many people could never do. She knew that she couldn’t get attached to the kids she worked with but Toni made that hard. Toni was Heather’s first case and now the only kid she had to represent for more than five years. 

Toni looked at Heather with an unreadable look, her fists still balled up and her jaw clenching as she looked at the red-headed social worker. Toni closed her eyes and pinched the skin on her left hand, a bad habit she picked up when her mom brought home another new boyfriend. 

“Toni, can you please sit down?” Heather stood up this time, her hand gesturing to the barren seat next to Toni that was now displaced after Toni kicked it slightly. Although Toni was often stubborn, Heather was the only person that could get through to Toni so she did what was asked of her. Toni’s feet, covered with a torn-up pair of black high top vans, kicked back and forth as she sat down hunched over in the chair.

“I know you don’t want to move, I understand that.” Heather finally sat back down after she realized Toni was fully calmed and ready to listen to what she had to say. Her hands shuffling the sprawled out papers in front of her, her eyes scanning the small printed text on each printed sheet.

“Where will I be going?” Toni’s head finally snapped up, tears welling up in the corners of her brown eyes. It was a rare sight to see Toni Shalifoe cry and Heather knew that. A deep feeling of sadness gnawed at Heather’s heart, her eyes trying to comfort the girl sitting in front of her.

“It’s a, um, a small town in Texas. It’s called Pampa, it’s pretty cute and small townsy.” Heather tried masking the disappointment in her face with a fake smile. 

“Texas?” Toni almost scoffed at the idea of Texas, out of all of the places in the world she was stuck with a state called Texas. 

“I know, I know.” Heather let out a small laugh, almost surprised by the sudden change in Toni’s attitude. Watching as Toni went from angry to just confused. 

“They want to... adopt me? Why?” Toni muttered as she rested her chin on her hand, her eyes looking out the window behind Heather. A small mountain range in the very far distance, a mountain range that Toni was used to looking at.

“They just do, I guess. They seem like a really nice family and they have a beautiful house with lots of land. Heather picked up a red folder that sat on her desk, a big label that said THE YOUNG FAMILY/TONI SHALIFOE in big block letters on the front of it. She handed it to Toni who took it apprehensively. 

Toni looked at Heather for a second before she looked down at the folder, her fingers pushing open the folder to reveal a very corny looking family photo of her next placement on the front. She stifled a small laugh as she flipped through the files, finally landing on a picture of their house. It was big, much bigger than any house Toni had ever lived in. Toni wondered if people would call her shallow if they knew she always wished her foster families had big houses so maybe she could have her own room.

“So? Thoughts?” Heather leaned back in her office chair, her hands clasped together and placed on her lap as she watched Toni giggle over something every once in and while.

“I don’t really have a choice,” Toni muttered and Heather let out a humorless laugh before taking the folder that was being returned to her. 

“I guess you don’t,” Heather whispered back, shoving the folder into her black briefcase. 

A couple of days later, Toni found herself shoving her small amount of belongings into black trash bags. She didn’t have luggage, which she didn’t really care about in the first place.

“Are ya ready to go?” Heather’s voice broke the dead silence that fell in Toni’s bedroom. She definitely wouldn’t miss her room as she shared it with her two younger foster siblings, two girls she thought may have been the spawn of Satan himself. Toni nodded as she grabbed her bags and turned off the light as she walked out, following closely behind Heather as they got into Heather’s car.

The car wasn’t new but it never lost its new car smell, Toni was convinced that Heather had an air freshener that made her car always smell like a new car. Toni knew she was leaving Minnesota today, she knew she would probably never see her favorite pizza place again or her favorite arcade. A small sigh left her lips as the sudden realization hit her, her whole life was changing and she would even be leaving her favorite person in the world, her social worker Heather.

Heather wasn’t too keen on the idea of Toni moving away either. She told herself over and over again that it was just part of the job, Toni was just another client and she should move on. But it was extremely hard for Heather to be driving Toni to the train station, where she would meet with her new Texan social worker. Heather saw herself in Toni, she saw a small scrappy fighter who was just longing for a family. Toni made Heather think of all of the times she spent as a kid fighting for things like food or shelter, Toni made Heather remember why she even decided to go to school for this job. 

Heather’s car came to a stop as they pulled into the Amtrak train station, both of their eyes scanning for the woman they were looking for. After getting out of the car and finding a short and much older woman with caring green eyes, Heather felt a little bit more comfortable about sending Toni on an almost four-hour train ride. She knew Toni was a grenade constantly ready to explode and a small and stuffy train wasn’t the best place for Toni to be.

Toni stood still as she thought about how her entire life was about to change once she stepped foot on the loud and busy train, the smile of her new social worker beaming in her face. Heather stood there awkwardly as she thought about what she wanted to tell Toni. After a couple minutes of silence, Toni’s new social worker took Toni’s bags and told her to meet her on the train in a couple of minutes giving the two a chance to say goodbye.

Heather smiled through the intense feeling of tears welling up in her eyes, her hand rested on Toni’s shoulder before pulling the short girl into a big hug. 

“I’m gonna miss you.” Toni breathed out through soft tears, her chest aching with sadness as she faced Heather for the last time. 

“I’m gonna miss ya too, kid.” Heather smiled big, her eyes meeting Toni’s as they pulled away from each other. 

“I hope you find the love and happiness you deserve.” Heather’s voice cracked as she wiped away a tear that fell down her cheek, her eyes watching as Toni shifted from foot to foot. Heather turned to where she had set down a small backpack, a backpack that was full of things Heather thought Toni might need, and a letter from Toni’s mom saying goodbye. Heather’s hand picked up the backpack by one of its straps and pushed the backpack into Toni’s direction.

“Just some stuff I got for ya.” Heather composed herself and Toni’s hands grabbed the backpack, pulling the straps over her shoulders as she put it on her back. A small smile of gratitude formed on her lips.

“Thank you,” Toni whispered into Heather’s jacket as she gave her one last hug, turning on her feet and walking up the steps to the car of the train. She turned to Heather before fully going in and gave her one last wave. 

Minnesota was nothing but the past to Toni now. 

Part II. 

The Young family was unlike any family Toni had ever lived with, especially her biological family. Before she was thrust into the foster care system, Toni’s biological family was just her mom, her dad, and her older brother. After the death of her father, Toni’s mom was never the same. She was aggressive and turned to any substance she could find to fill the void that her husband used to fill. 

Even when Toni was young, there was a small amount of empathy and understanding she held for her mom. At the age of six, when her mom was shooting needles into her arms like it was a hobby, Toni told herself it was because “mommy was sad”. For a long time, Toni never questioned why her mom’s boyfriends would constantly be angry or punch giant holes into their already distressed white walls. 

The last time Toni saw her biological mom was when she was seven and she walked into her mom’s room without knocking. She can remember the scream that ripped through her lips as she looked at her mom’s head face down on the floor, her hair sprawled out around her. She stood there in place, her body paralyzed as she gasped for air. She later found out that she had experienced her first panic attack after witnessing her mom clinging to her life

The Youngs didn’t give Toni that same feeling of tension and discomfort, she wasn’t scared of seeing something that would haunt her dreams forever. But there were also things that Toni didn’t know, and at the age of twelve, Toni was just happy she could have her own room with a door that locked. 

After a couple of years and the passing of her fifteenth birthday, Toni found herself calling Cynthia Young mom without even really realizing it. The first time the small word slipped out of her mouth, Cynthia gave her a surprised but happy smile. And for the first time, Toni actually meant it when she would use the phrase I love you. It wasn’t the same with her adoptive dad though, he was much different than his kind-hearted wife who saw the world through rose-tinted glasses. 

Richard Young was everything Toni learned she despised. When she had first moved into their house, Toni was thrown into the world of religion and the church. The church became her second home as the family spent a lot of time planning church fundraisers, attending mass, and doing whatever church people do. The first time the Youngs took Toni to church was the first time she had ever even really seen a church, let alone step inside of one. She learned quickly that she didn’t really understand or like many of the things that she was being taught in her religious studies, a class taught through the church. When it came time to pray for people, Toni always prayed for her biological mom. She would never tell anyone this because then people would think she still cared. 

Richard Young often expressed his opinion on people whether they asked for it or not, he had a passion for pointing out the sins of whoever he felt needed to hear about it. Toni was taught to love thy neighbor but pray for people like the “homosexuals”, as Richard would call them. Toni always felt her stomach flip whenever Richard would talk about gay people, it always made her skin crawl with discomfort. 

She would never tell anyone but her favorite part about church was a blonde and green-eyed girl named Shelby Goodkind. A girl that felt like she was straight out of a cartoon, her eyes always lighting up with excitement even in the worst situations. Toni always felt there was something different about Shelby, something good in a world that felt so dark sometimes. 

Even though Shelby and her family were very close with Toni’s new family, Toni and Shelby were not all that close. Toni always told herself it was because Shelby was too different from Toni, which was true but if you were to ask Shebly, they weren’t friends because Toni refused to let her in. 

Part III. 

Toni stood in front of the mirror that hung on the wall of her bedroom, her eyes fixated on a small bruise that accompanied a much bigger cut on her eyebrow. Her body was tired, too tired to even really move but she had no choice. It was the first day of senior year and she had a list of a million items that she needed to do. This was her year to finally secure a way out of this town, all she had to do was make sure her grades were up and play basketball as she had never played basketball before. 

There were rumors floating around her team that Toni was incredibly close to receiving a full ride to UCLA, a school she had already dreamed of. But like she did with many things in her life, Toni put that thought on the back burner to make sure she wouldn't be too disappointed if it didn’t go her way. 

The last couple of years haven’t been the best for Toni Shalifoe, especially when it involved her family. Everyone that knew Toni knew she wasn’t as religious as her family or even religious at all. She never got involved with church fundraisers or activities like the rest of her family did which caused a ripple effect of tension between Toni and her dad Richard Young. To him, his family had a reputation to uphold as the second leading Church family, one spot behind the Goodkind's. 

And while Richard could sometimes scream and yell at Toni about how she needs to be more involved in their beloved church. Toni was turning eighteen this school year, which meant she was so close to being free. She didn’t have a bad relationship with her entire family, which was the silver lining after she had to clean random cuts that appeared from Richard’s hand making contact with her skin. 

One of her best friends in the entire world was her sister, who happened to be the same age as her. River notices the small bruises that line Toni’s skin, a look of sadness always washing over her face as she tries to comfort Toni. They match the bruises that will occasionally ink River’s skin when she raises her voice a little too loud for Richard’s liking. While River was the same age as Toni, she took on the role of big sister.

Toni’s little sister, Catherine, became a crucial part of Toni’s life as she spent a lot of time babysitting her when her parents went out of town or had work responsibilities. Toni would never admit it to anyone because it might make her seem soft, but she loved babysitting. 

While her siblings provided light in her life that she never knew she needed, Toni always gravitated towards Cynthia Young, a woman who was the antithesis of her biological mom. Cynthia was the only person Toni truly opened up to, constantly talking to Cynthia when she needed advice. Cynthia was the first person to truly fill that mom role that Toni desperately needed in her life. 

Besides her family, Toni had a small tight-knit group of friends that would put their lives on the line for each other. The group consisted of girls who probably should’ve never been friends since they didn’t have that much in common but for some reason, fate threw them together. Toni’s first and closest friend Martha Blackburn was the glue that held the group together. Martha was Toni’s person, her platonic soulmate, and the one person she never felt judged by. Then there was Dot Campbell, a girl who was similar to Toni in a handful of ways. They are both stubborn with a slight chip on their shoulders, both have a lot of residual trauma, and both are sarcastic as hell. Dot always fell into the role of the mom friend, even if she tried not to. Leah Rilke, who was drastically different from her friends, was often the friend Toni found herself protecting the most. Toni even had to be held back by Dot before taking a swing at some thirty-year-old writer that manipulated Leah into having a relationship with him. The last piece of their friend group puzzle is Rachel Reid, the only person to truly match Toni’s rage and passion. Rachel was destined for great things in the world of diving and was Toni’s gym partner most days, they were basically two sides of the same coin. 

Toni’s life in Texas wasn’t the worst but she always felt like there was something missing, something about herself that she was hiding from the world. And damn, that feeling gnawed and bit at her until she finally set on an expedition to figure it out.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the coming out of Toni Shalifoe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everybody!! 
> 
> i hope this chapter is better than the last which i know is an unreasonably long background story. i've never actually written anything like this so this is out of my comfort zone but im enjoying it.  
> school started and its very stressful so while this did take longer than i expected it's nice to have this as a stress reducer during the semester. let me know any feedback or anything. 
> 
> hope ur all staying safe and healthy. 
> 
> just a heads up and as a TRIGGER WARNING.
> 
> there is violence in this chapter. and in a couple of the future chapters.

It takes a couple of days for Toni to fall into the groove of her final year of high school, it’s not long before the only thing she can think about is her next basketball practice or her next big game. However, she does make sure she has time for her friends as well. 

Toni’s side is pressed against the wall near Martha’s locker, a small smile placed lazily on her lips as she watches Dot and Leah bicker over whether or not the horror movie the two of them watched the night prior was actually good or not.

“You know, you guys are nerds.” Toni’s voice teased her two friends, eliciting a raised middle finger from Leah as Dot just rolled her eyes and waved Toni off.

“Would you like me to list all of your nerd tendencies? Or would you just like me to punch you?” Dot crossed her arms as she smiled at Toni, a playful grin plastered on her face.

“Oh, by all means, punch me. That’s kinda hot.” Toni almost giggled at Dot as she stuck her tongue out, her cheeks turning a slight pink while shaking her head.

“Y’know, just because I wear cargo pants doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian. Sorry to disappoint.” Dot flashed Toni a fake frown, her eyes rolling once more as Toni just giggles at her like a little kid. 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Toni smirks as she pushes herself off of the wall, bending down to pick up a basketball that was just sitting idly at her feet. Dot took the time to lightly punch Toni’s arm, a small grunt coming out of Toni as she lost her footing for a second. 

“Hey, watch it,” Toni muttered jokingly, her eyes narrowed at the taller girl. 

The girls waited for Martha and Rachel before heading off into the parking lot, getting ready to pile into Dot’s beaten up but still useful car. Before they could make it to the car that was unfortunately parked on the farthest side of the parking lot, they were faced with Shelby Goodkind’s boyfriends and his friends. 

“Hey ladies!” A voice broke out over the laughter from Andrew and his friends. Even though Toni was part of one of the most well-known families in the town, that didn’t stop some of the other church-going boys from poking fun at her for being a little bit more masculine than the other girls they go to school with.

“Are y’all going to go kiss each other or somethin’?” Andrew’s voice was the most recognizable to Toni because his family was often invited over to dinner at her house. He would also sometimes accompany Shelby to her house when Shelby hung out with Toni’s sister, River. 

Toni gripped the basketball in her hands as tightly as she could, her breathing starting to stagger as she huffed through her nose. She knew she couldn’t get into a fight with him, even if she desperately wanted to wipe that smug look off of his face. 

“Just ignore them.” Leah looked behind her to look at her friends, while it was a comment said to everyone they all knew it was directed at Toni. Toni was their resident hot-head, a girl who was almost known for never backing down from a fight if she needed to. Toni’s eyes locked with Leah and for the first time in a while, Leah could tell Toni was deeply bothered by the comments being thrown at them. 

Andrew and his group of football player friends inched closer to the group of girls as they tried to weave their way through the parking lot. Finally, Andrew stood right in front of Leah who stopped dead in her tracks at the sudden appearance of the boy right in front of her.

“Can you move?” She rolled her eyes as he gave her an almost menacing looking grin.

“Y’know, we’ve heard the rumors about you.” Compared to Leah, Andrew wasn’t that tall. The top of Leah’s head barely fell below his hairline. 

“Everyone talks about how you’ve been hookin’ up with that Fatin girl.” Andrew’s laugh was the only thing you could hear in the almost empty parking lot. Andrew’s friends were starting to close around the girls, a small groan coming from Toni as she felt like she was being suffocated.

“You think about me hooking up with someone often?” Leah smiled sarcastically and Andrew’s smile dropped immediately, a burst of anger ripping through his small frame. Throughout this entire encounter, Dot had her arm around Toni’s waist. Dot’s fingers digging into Toni’s ribs to try and keep her from running straight into Andrew’s fist. 

“It’s crazy because I thought Toni was the dyke but apparently it’s you.” Andrew’s finger dug into Leah’s collarbone as he pushed her back slightly, her eyes widening at the sudden escalation. This was all Toni needed to muster up enough energy and rage to fling out of Dot’s tight grip and run straight at Andrew. Before any of the other girls could react, Andrew was dropped to the floor by Toni’s small frame slamming into him. 

It didn’t take long before one of Andrew’s friends pried the girl off of him, pulling her by her arms as her body scraped against the cement of the parking lot ground. Andrew pushed himself off of the ground, staggering a bit as a small pool of blood formed on his right elbow from scraping against the ground. 

“You stupid bitch.” Andrew’s voice was rough and cut through the sound of Dot screaming at him and his friends to let Toni go. Andrew’s left fist took a straight path to Toni’s ribs, an explosion of air ripping through her lips as her body felt winded. Another punch to the ribs was soon followed by one last punch to Toni’s jaw, her body crumpling as she started to lose consciousness for a split second. 

The sight of Toni’s body goes limp for a second propelled Dot and the other girls to pull Andrew away, making him stumble a bit before he muttered something incoherent under his breath. Andrew was silent but motioned for his friends to let Toni go, her body dropping to the floor with a small thud. 

Andrew and his friends were suddenly in his car, the sound of the tires squeaking against the ground as they drove off. Toni lied still on the ground for a second, trying to understand what had just happened. She felt as her friends picked her up carefully, guiding her to Dot’s car. She was put in the front seat and all she remembered was the sound of Dot’s music playing softly in the background as they all drove to Dot’s house speechless. 

Toni woke up in Dot’s bed and what she assumed to be Dot’s clothes as well, a black sweatshirt with matching black sweatpants. The sound of her friends talking in the other room made her feel uneasy as she knew they were talking about her.

“She’s going to get in so much trouble.” Martha’s voice was hushed but still loud enough for Toni to hear through the walls of Dot’s bedroom. Usually, Martha would scold her for getting into fights but this time Martha sounded more concerned than mad. 

“Maybe they won’t know it was Andrew.” Rachel’s voice was the next voice to fill Toni’s head, a head that was suffering from a big headache at the moment. 

Toni couldn’t bear to listen to them talk about her more so she grabbed a pillow that was next to her and put it over her head, hoping it would drown out the sound of her friends talking about her imminent doom. Each movement her body made ached and each breath felt like a hundred needles piercing her skin all at once.   
Thinking about her dad finding out that she got into a fight with one of the most beloved boys from her church felt more painful than the multiple bruises that peppered her ribcage. 

She knew she fucked up this time. 

II. 

Toni hesitated before pushing her house key into the front door of her house, she could still hear Dot’s car behind her. Finally, with a small burst of courage, the key fit snuggly into the lock and she twisted the door open. She moved at an abysmally slow pace, her legs shaking from the pain of her ribs. 

A continuation of the day’s nightmare was found in the form of Richard Young sitting with his arms crossed, almost like he was waiting for the girl to return home. Toni’s eyes locked with his as she pushed through the door, her feet dragging against the wood floor as she walked deeper into the house.

“What is wrong with you? Getting into a fight with Andrew like that?” Richard’s voice was both full of concern but also embarrassment. 

“He started it by calling my friends and me a bunch of names, but how did you even know?” Toni muttered through clenched teeth, her hands bracing themselves against the counter of the kitchen island. 

“I’m sure he was just joking with you guys. Andrew went straight home and told his parents the truth, unlike you.” Richard’s eyes scanned Toni’s body, noticing how every time she breathed she let out a small wince.

“First, you don’t want to participate in Church. And now, you’re getting into fights with people we consider family? What has gotten into you, Toni? I bet it’s all of those horrible friends you have.” Richard’s voice was low and full of what Toni felt was rage. He didn’t understand why she could do this to the family. 

“I think you’ve faced enough punishment for your actions.” His hand waved to her bruised body and she winced as he slammed his hand against the counter abruptly. Toni waited for him to say something else but he never did, instead, he stormed off into his office and slammed the door.

She heard the front door swing open, her eyes clenching shut as she prepared to be yelled at by her mom too. Instead, a small hand rested on her shoulder and she turned to see her sister River standing over her with a concerned look. River’s mouth was slightly open as she looked at Toni.

“Dude, what the fuck?” She whispered making sure her dad didn’t hear the expletive leave her lips.   
Toni just sighed and River took it upon herself to wrap her arm around Toni’s torso, pulling her away from the kitchen counter she was resting against and guiding her to Toni’s bedroom. River helped Toni lay down on Toni’s unmade bed and closed the door behind them.

Toni was surprised as she watched River pull Toni’s desk chair closer to the bed, crossing her arms as she let out a deep sigh.

“Was it Andrew?” River tilted her head for a second, her eyes trying to read Toni’s face.

“How did you know?” Toni couldn’t face River. Her eyes looking everywhere but the brown eyes next to her, she knew River was best friends with Shelby Goodkind who happened to be the girlfriend of the boy that just punched her in the face.

“I mean, there are a lot of reasons as to why I would assume that but also Shelby said he got into a fight. Something about how he came over and was yellin’ about some fight with a bunch of losers or somethin'’” River laughed at her dramatic telling of Shelby and Andrew’s conversation which in turn made Toni let out a small laugh too.

“He started it.” Toni whispered before pushing herself up from laying down and resting her back on the wall. Toni pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees, a position she would sit in whenever she was feeling anxious.

“I’m sure he did. So, like, what did he do exactly because Shelby didn’t even really know? Or maybe she’s just covering for him, who knows with that girl?” Each mention of Shelby tugged at Toni’s heart for a brief second, a feeling that Toni could never exactly understand.

“He was getting in Leah’s face about the rumor of her and Fatin hooking up.” The river just looked at Toni and frowned, Toni, didn’t know whether or not that was a good thing.

“God, he’s such an ass!” River’s arms flailed and Toni felt an instant sigh of relief leave her lips. 

“You’re not upset or anything? I know he’s dating your literal best friend.” Toni watched as River’s entire body language changed, her eyes narrowing at Toni. She shook her head for a second but didn’t say anything.

“Toni. I could never be upset at you for really anything, you know that. Besides, Andrew is an ass and I don’t know what Shelby see’s in him. Honestly, I don’t even think she has feelings for him.” Toni didn’t know why River was being so open about Shelby Goodkind’s love life but for a second Toni felt the best she had all day. 

For a couple of minutes, they just sat there in silence but it was an enjoyable silence for the both of them. The silence was broken by Toni huffing and shifting in her bed uncomfortably, she didn’t know why she was suddenly in the mood to tell River every secret Toni had ever kept but that is what she felt like.

“Riv.” Toni’s voice was wavering and uncertain, something River wasn’t used to. Even in times of conflict or embarrassment, Toni Shalifoe was a confident and often cocky girl. River was not used to an anxious and scared Toni Shalifoe. River didn’t say anything and just waited for Toni to say whatever she had to say.

“I’m like, gay or whatever. I’m a lesbian.” Toni didn’t look up to meet River’s eyes, her hands playing with the hem of her blanket anxiously. She was scared by the sudden silence of her always talking sister. To Toni’s surprise, River threw herself onto Toni’s bed, making sure to hug Toni in the lightest way possible to not hurt her already bruised ribs.

“Oh T, I know.” River laughed softly into Toni’s neck as they hugged, Toni’s hands finally wrapping around River’s body. River hugged Toni for what felt like forever but Toni didn’t complain because for the first time in a while she felt the safest she ever has. 

River was the first to pull away but she didn’t leave Toni’s bed. River sat next to Toni with her legs crossed, a smile on her lips the entire time.

“Wait, what do you mean you know?” Toni scoffed jokingly and gave River a light punch.

“Toni, you play basketball?” River laughed jokingly as Toni gave her a second punch, this one a little less light. 

“No but I’ve known since you moved in with us plus you had a literal girlfriend at one point so.” River teased Toni who was now just looking at her, half in shock and half in amusement. 

“Explain.” Toni shook her head jokingly as she crossed her arms.

“Well, you’ve had a crush on Shelby Goodkind for like fore-” River was cut off by a loud gasp coming from Toni who was now ignoring the pain her body was in to playfully wrestle River.

“I do not have a crush on her!” Toni whisper-yelled, loud enough for River to hear but not loud enough for her parents to hear.

“Uh-huh.. Sure.” River’s voice trailed off as she tried to escape out from underneath Toni. 

“I do not!” 

“You literally stare at her all of the time! Whenever we are in Church, you look at her instead of anything else.” River’s eyes were now locked with Toni’s, a sly smirk on her lips. Toni got off of River with a frown and sat back down where she was sitting. 

“Okay, maybe I do.” Toni’s voice faltered and was much calmer than it was a couple of seconds ago. River looked at her with an empathetic look and gave her a small pat on the shoulder. 

“I told you, I know everything.” River let out a loud laugh, one that made Toni smile even though River was being annoying. Toni brushed the teasing comment away and just looked at the floor before turning to River again.

“But you know her and she’s just never going to be into me.” Toni’s brow furrowed as she thought about the blonde-haired Texan. It was true, she always had a crush on her but how could you not.

“You’re right, I do know Shelby Goodkind.”

III. 

The next day at school felt like hell for Toni because not only did her body feel like it was run over by a large semi-truck going ten miles over the speed limit, but she had to face Andrew and Shelby in her fourth-period math class. 

“Hey, punching bag.” Leah came up from behind Toni as the two of them walked through the hallway of their school. 

“That’s just mean,” Toni muttered and Leah laughed, even if she wanted to be mad at Leah for the bad comment there were more pressing matters.

The two of them walked into their shared math class and sat down in their normal seats, which happened to be right behind Shelby and Andrew’s normal seats which Toni thought maybe she should change. Leah poked Toni as soon as Shelby strolled into the class without her boyfriend attached to her hip, which was very unusual. Toni stared at Shelby for a second, watching as Shelby scanned the room before locking eyes with Toni. 

Toni half expected Shelby to just go up to her and punch her but instead, Shelby gave her a big smile and walked right over to them, making Leah look at Toni with a bewildered expression.

“Hey, y’all!” Shelby’s accent was the heaviest Toni had ever heard since living in Texas, it was even heavier when Shelby rapped in the morning announcements.

“Hi.” Toni just looked at Shelby, her eyes flicking up and down before settling on Shelby’s face.

“I just wanted to see how you were doin’ and all, I heard about the tussle between you and Andrew.” Shelby shifted from one foot to the other awkwardly as Toni and Leah just looked at her with slight confusion.

“Yeah, I’m all good.”

“Really? That’s good to hear! River said that you looked pretty beat up when you got home.” Shelby was starting to ramble and both of the girls in front of her could tell  
“Is it weird, if I um, ask for your number?” Shelby’s question took both Leah and Toni by surprise. 

“You want my number? Why now?” 

“Well, I felt bad about the Andrew thing so I wanted to make it up to you.” Shelby was less awkward as a wave of confidence rushed over her.

“Okay.” Toni shrugged and her hands reached out for the backpack that was near her feet. She ripped out a piece of paper from her messy backpack (a backpack that Dot and Martha have both organized for Toni multiple times). 

Shelby gave Toni a big smile after Toni slipped her the piece of paper with her number scratched onto it. Leah just looked at the two girls in amazement, to her this was very out of character for both of them.

“I’ll text ya later than!” And like that, Shelby moved to her seat and got ready for their class. 

Before Leah could even say anything Toni was shaking her head with her hand out in front of her.

“Just drop it,” Toni whispered to her friend next to her, her hands burrowing into her jacket pockets as she tried to take in everything that just happened.

“I wasn’t even gonna say anything.”

Toni shut her eyes for a second as an overwhelming wave of anxiety washed over her. The thought of River going behind Toni’s back and telling Shelby everything she said because a thought that clouded her judgment for a second. 

Regardless of why Shelby had a sudden interest in befriending Toni, Toni knew that getting involved with Shelby Goodkind was trouble waiting to happen.


End file.
